What's the Point In Getting Married?

I have had this discussion on Twitter - is there any point in getting married? Personally, I would like to get married some day but I'm not in any way ready yet. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years but we're having to live apart because of work and studying etc. It's tough but we're doing alright and we still love each other.

I agree with people when they say "I don't need a piece of paper to prove I love someone" it's a completely valid point. You can have unhappily married couples and happily unmarried couples, marriage isn't a magic spell that suddenly makes your relationship much stronger. It's easy to see why people of religion see marriage as vital, it makes their relationship "official" and "right" in their God's eyes, so they are not living in sin. As an atheist I don't see marriage this way, I don't feel like I need to get married to make our relationship official and it certainly doesn't feel wrong not being married.

So why do I want to get married? My main reason is because marriage is like a celebration, it brings your families together, it's a big declaration of love and by law it gives you more rights as a couple. I also, admittedly like the tradition, the ceremony, the dress and the party afterwards. I wouldn't ever really have a properly traditional wedding, it certainly wouldn't be in a church as that wouldn't feel right. These days we have more freedom to make weddings more unique, some even choose to write their own vows. I understand if people still wouldn't want to get married, but personally I want to do the whole big day thing, but I wouldn't pay extortionate amounts! At the moment if I was given £20,000 right now, "wedding" won't be the first thing I think of.

Anyway, it's a long time away but I brought it up now because it was a recent discussion.

Redefining Spirituality

spir·it·u·al·i·ty

   [spir-i-choo-al-i-tee] Show IPA

noun, plural -ties.

1.

the quality or fact of being spiritual.

2.

incorporeal or immaterial nature.

3.

predominantly spiritual character as shown in thought, life,etc.; spiritual tendency or tone.

4.

Often, spiritualities. property or revenue of the church orof an ecclesiastic in his or her official capacity.

I hear a lot about people wanting to be spiritual or get to know their spirit. Of course as a monist I don't see humans as having a life outside the physical body, I don't believe that we have a separate spirit or soul or that our bodies are just a vessel. Does this prevent me from being what is essentially "spiritual"?

I find the second definition above the most interesting, spirituality is immaterial because it cannot be seen, it is essentially a thought process or a way we relate to our place in the cosmos. I don't believe to become spiritual you need to believe in God, spirits, ghosts or any other superstition to be able to think deeply about our place in the universe. Spirituality could also be an understanding of ourselves, there is nothing wrong with calmly meditating. Meditation is a practice we as atheists could take part in without the need to believe in anything.

I think to redefine spirituality is to take it away from religious doctrine and see it as a deep thought process. I hope this makes sense.

Why Gods Need Humans To Survive

Yesterday I tweeted Humans don't need God to exist but God needs humans to exist, once we stop believing he will disappear this was retweeted a few times and even compared to Terry Pratchett (I'm flattered, I must read his books now!) so I thought I would elaborate.

I can't help but think that nearly everything humans used to attribute to Gods in regards to our own existence has been explained by science. For example in his book Origin of the Species Charles Darwin was able to explain brilliantly how we evolved as a species and how we originated, the reason his work was so controversial is because he took away the need for God to explain our origins. There is also the big bang theory, which takes away the need for God when it comes to explaining the origins of our planet, solar system and universe. Of course, these theories don't disprove God, some theists argue that all this was part of God's plan, if you're a deist you would say God started this off then took a backseat. I agree with Stephen Hawkings when he says that God was not needed for any of these things to happen.

My theory about God is that he exists in the imagination of people, that's why there are so many interpretations of God and over 3,000 Gods that have been worshipped throughout history. This is why I believe that if people simply stopped believing in God he will die because humans are his lifeline, as for humans we will carry on living.

Do I Really Just Hate God?

In short the answer to that question is "No".

As an atheist I simply just don't believe in God, simple as that, yes I have other opinions that are related to being an atheist but the meaning of the word is simply "does not believe in any deities". If I do not believe in any deities then it is not possible to hate God, how can I hate something that is not there? I can no more hate God than I could hate an evil character in a book or film. For example I don't like the character the Childcatcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, I find him evil, deceitful and he's helping a king who is cruel to children, but can I actually have a direct genuine hatred and anger towards him when I know he is a fictional character? Of course not, I can hate the characteristics but not the actual person as the actual person doesn't exist, I can say the same of the God of the Old Testament.

I have had heard people of religion say that atheists are "just angry at God" or "they are rebelling against God" as I've already pointed out, you cannot hate a fictional being so what exactly are these atheists so angry about? One thing I could say is that atheists are not angry at a deity but rather some followers, the people who are enforcing their religious laws in to government, trying to stop things like gay marriages or the teaching if evolution in schools just because they believe that this God exists. I would also say that many atheists hate the divisions that religion causes, people simply hating each other just because they can't agree on which holy book to follow or how to interpret a piece of text and that wars are fought and lives lost just to spread their beliefs. Atheists are accused of lacking morals because they do not follow a God, despite many atheists out there who do good things for the society and community and are good, peaceful people (of course there are atheists out there who are bad people too, as with all people) but yet are still discriminated against. I think most of all we all just want to live in a society where people are free to believe what they want (or to not believe in anything), no religion has priveleges over another and laws are based on real morality not just religious dogma.

So whenever a religious person accuses me of "hating God", "being angry at God" or "rebelling against God" I simply ask how can I hate, be angry at or rebel against someone who I believe does not exist? It's like having a vendetta against Jafar from Alladin, it just doesn't make any sense!

Creationism: An Insult to the Amazing Reality of Nature?

Creationism versus Evolution is a debate that keeps on going, with many religious believers on the side of creationism trying to disprove and discredit evolution, using the "it's just a theory" line to its death. It's scientific fact that evolution is as much of a theory as gravity or electromagnetism, it's truth backed by mountains of evidence including DNA and fossil records. The history of evolution dates back millions of years, with species changing and adapting to their environments and the strongest genes surviving to pass on their genes to their offspring and so on. The whole story of evolution is both elegant and cruel, it's fascinating and explains where we as species come from.

In contrast creationism is a story deriving from the Book of Genesis from the Old Testament, saying that God created the heavens, the Earth, all the animals and then man from dirt and moulded him like clay, then made the woman from his rib and all in 6 days (some say it dates back 4,000-6,000 years ago). Of course, there is no real evidence to back this up just a story in a book and millions of people who have been brought up to believe it. Some creationists have tried to stop evolution being taught in schools, or at least have creationism taught along side evolution as equal theories. At first someone could be forgiven for suggesting the latter but creationism and evolution are NOT equal theories, not when one is backed by evidence and is scientifically established proof and the other is just subject to the faith of millions and was written about in an ancient book by people who did not know anything of modern science. It's much better to teach our children truth in schools and for science teacher to just teach science and not fairy tales. I find it an insult to our children to stop them learning about one of the most important discoveries in the last 200 years.

The story of creation does not explain anything, in fact I would argue that it raises more questions than it attempts to answer, such as "what was there before the world?", "did God create something out of nothing?", "where did God come from?" and "why did God create us only for us to fall?" and many more after that. The creation story does nothing to explain how we came to be, it's nothing more than a folk tale, that's why I would say it does insult the amazing reality of evolution and how nature became to be what it is today. I find it astounding when a creationist feels insulted when told that they share a common ancestor with apes but is happy to be told he is originally made from dirt.

Of course I am not suggesting that evolution disproves the existence of a God, whilst I am an atheist myself there are theists out there who understand that evolution is a fact and that creationism was just the go to hypothesis from a time where we had no knowledge of our origins. Is it so much to ask that creationists start to look at the world more objectively and read their holy books in the context of the time in which it was written? Creationism, it's an insult to our intelligence, knowledge and history whilst it belittles the amazing reality of nature.

An Interview With @MissRaissa Plus My Response

I'm always interested in talking to people who hold different world views to me, and Raissa Nkuba (@MissRaissa) is someone I have opposing opinions to. However, I notice a lot of atheists on twitter, including myself take an interest in her tweets and have something to say about them. Raissa kindly agreed to be interviewed and I wanted to ask questions that weren't too similar to what people have asked her on Twitter. So I'd like to thank Raissa for taking the time to answer these questions, I'm sure everyone will have their own responses to the answers. I will respond but if Raissa wants to say any more I will publish that too as I aim to be respectful and fair.


1. Many Christians say that we are all responsible for ourselves in regards to giving our lives to Christ & following what the bible tells us. How does this work in regards to people with learning disabilities who have no concept of God, Jesus or the bible or come from a non-Christian family and therefore cannot be a follower of Christ?

How do you know a disable person has no concept of God? Has it been proven that a disabled person has no concept of God? No. God himself will judge such cases. When I speak I address individuals who can make conscious decisions. God himself knows how he connects with his creation and I believe he’s able to connect with a disabled person.

2. People say that God heals through prayer but I cannot help but notice nobody has ever had a regrowth of a severed leg through faith healing & most Christians would rely on doctors for medical help. If God heals why do Christians use doctors & why won't God heal amputees?


Lindsay when you decided to interview me I was expecting serious questions. These questions have been asked several times and have been answered before. God can do anything and nothing is impossible with God. But God will do it according to our faith. The reason why there are some Christians walking around with diseases is because they lack faith. God will do anything we ask him to do but we need to believe him for it.

3. The bible condones slavery, infanticide and rape as long as the victim marries the rapist afterwards. In the 21st century we see these things as atrocious but if morality comes from god and not society and people, why are we not practising these things?


The Bible doesn’t condone slavery, infanticide or rape. Morality does come from God and the morals we have today originated from Christian beliefs. Society does not decide what is moral or immoral. How can sinful beings decide the basis of morality?

4. In a Christian marriage the bible says a woman must submit to a man. Women have fought for freedom and rights why is it good for a woman to submit herself to a man when she is capable of leadership and making her own decisions? The healthiest partnerships are with people who see each other as equals & respect each other. What reason has a woman got to obey a man?


The Bible does not a say a woman must submit to a man. The Bible says a wife must submit to her husband. The Bible also tells the man to love his wife and treat her well. A woman is indeed capable of leadership but in her home her husband is the leader. 50/50 partnership in a marriage is unrealistic – one will always end up overpowering the other.

5. I have seen you tweet that nobody should divorce under any circumstances even in the case of abuse where women should pray & have faith that God will change them (please correct me if I am wrong). Do you not see how it is dangerous to give women this advice as domestic violence in many cases has led to death? Why shouldn't a woman leave an abusive husband?

I have never said that—I simply said that divorce should never be an option. I also said that Jesus said a married couple would only divorce in the case of adultery. But even in the case of adultery it’s better to forgive your spouse because the word says one cannot remarry unless their spouse dies. If one wants to remarry they must return to their former spouse – this is what the Word of God says. I would never tolerate an abusive husband neither would I ask any woman to do that.

In a case like this I would suggest separation – during the time of separation I would advise the woman to seek God’s face before deciding to take the next step. My God is a God of restoration. He can restore broken marriages.

My Response:

1. Our concept of God develops once we have been taught about God and what or who God is. Somebody who comes from say a Sikh family would have a different concept of God than someone who comes from a Christian family, what these people understand about God comes from what they learnt about God. The reason I asked about people with learning disabilities is because if somebody has difficulties in learning about most things why would they have any less difficulty in learning about God? I'm sure to fulfill the expectations that the God of the bible has for Christians that person would have to understand what those expectations are or even who/what God is in the first place. Of course I cannot say that all people with LD have no concept of God whatsoever, many do but there are many who do not and do not have the means to learn about God. I don't see any mention of people with learning disabilities in the bible so I'm therefore not sure how you can be so certain God is doing all he can for these people.

2. I don't see how these are not serious questions, they may well have been answered before but I am yet to see a satisfactory answer, I am aware that the bible calls on Christians be prepared to answer questions about their faith. If nothing is impossible with God and it's all on account of our faith then are you telling me there isn't a single amputee with strong faith? If nothing is impossible with God then why doesn't he regrow a severed limb? A much better answer is to assume he is not there. To say that people get ill due to a lack of faith is an insult to many people who live with disease, and it's only a cruel God that would subject his own people to such torture for the so-called crime of not having "enough" faith. You didn't answer the question fully, if God really can cure every disease out there, then why would you yourself visit a doctor (assume of course that you do)? Illness has nothing to do with faith, and you know what you never see? A faith healer curing polio because science cured it already!

3. I will refer you to these bible verses: Hosea 9:11-16, 1 Samuel 15:3, Judges 11:30-40, Psalms 137:8-9, 2 Kings 6:28-29, Exodus 12:29 (Infanticide) Ephesians 6:5, 1 Timothy 6:1-2, Luke 12:47-48, Leviticus 25:44-46, Exodus 21:2-6 (Slavery) Judges 21:10-24, Numbers 31:7-18, Deuteronomy 20:10-14, Deuteronomy 22:28-29 (Rape). I don't think you could honestly say that the bible doesn't condone infanticide, slavery and rape when it quite clearly happens amongst God's people in the bible and is allowed or even encouraged by God. Of course, in the 21st century in civilised society we see these things are wrong and are disgusted by such actions, the only reasonable explanation is that society has evolved to realise that to inflict pain on to others is immoral, there are many things that in the past were considered the norm (racism for example) that are now condemned by society. As human beings we all wanted to be treated well and have learnt to treat others as we wished to be treated ourselves.

4. My question refers to a Christian marriage, so I wasn't suggesting a woman submit to any random man out there. Assuming that the husband is still the man and the wife is still the woman, in the bible it is asked that a woman submit herself to a man. You say that a 50/50 partnership is unrealistic, but I have to disagree as although one person may be more dominant than the other, important decisions and input should be done on an equal basis, it's about sharing responsibilities. If as you say one does overpower the other, sometimes it can be the woman dominating the man. My understanding is that a Christian marriage is meant to be like the relationship between Christ and the church, man is like christ who head of the church (but yes, also loves the church) but woman is like the church who has to obey christ. My understanding tells me that a woman is expected to obey the man. I don't see how this can benefit every marriage as all relationships and marriages are different.

5. OK, so I understand that you didn't mean a woman shouldn't leave an abusive husband, you meant they shouldn't divorce. Now I have that cleared up I would like to say that I still cannot agree with your answer. If a man is supposed to love a woman and he beats her up and emotionally harms her does that not show that he indeed is not being loving and is breaking his vows? Surely this breaking of the contract would mean she is free to leave him? Of course, if the rule is separation but no divorce, under the rules of "no sex unless married" the woman would not be free to find someone else to settle down with and make her happy, instead she is still by law attached to her abuser. The only healthy way for a woman to deal with an abusive partner is to take the children (if there are any) and to leave and sever ties. An abused woman has every right to move on with her life, rebuild it and find someone else to be in her life. There have been many cases where women have gone back to their abusive partners wholeheartedly believing they would change only to find that they never will.

I'm sure people have their own responses to this, so I welcome any comments.

Some Introduction Type Thing...

I'm pretty lame at this blog thing, I'll admit that I've started blogs in the past and they fail because I lose interest. I kind of realised what the problem was: I tried to specialise in one subject and I have many interests I also do this weird hyper-focus thing where something really interests me for a while and I really get into it, then I get bored and hyper-focus on something else. There are a few things however that have managed to not bore me:

• My friends, family and boyfriend - I love these people and they could never possibly bore me.



• Working with people with learning disabilities - I'm making a career out of this and training to be a learning disabilities nurse (RNLD).



• Philosophy - I have always had a nerdy interest in world views, religion and answering so-called "big questions"



• Football - Crystal Palace FC for life, there is no changing that. I follow Reading FC as a second team.



• Pubs - I can sit in one for hours on end as long as there's good company and enough money to buy another round.



• Holidays - I love getting away because home, as lovely as it is, can bore me!

I'm sure there's plenty to add to the list. So I'm an eclectic person, I like many different things that sometimes don't go together for example pretty flowery clothes and heavy metal. I decided to create a general personal blog, I figured since I now have over 800 twitter followers my views can't be that boring! The next paragraph would probably be a good indicator of what I'm planning on writing in this blog, but I have got coming up an interview with @MissRaissa because I always like to hear from someone with a completely different world view to mine.

More about me: I'm an atheist/freethinker/Humanist with some strong opinions on religion etc, I talk about religion and philosophy because it interests me and it's an important subject, it's a subject that affects all our lives. I don't see any religion as better than another, I view them all equally. I am also a bit of a feminist, I believe that women should always be treated as equal to men, I am not however, a man hating, bra burning maniac (I need bras - bras are my friend!). I am a caring person, I love people, people fascinate me in fact and I my passion is to help people with learning disabilities get the most out of life. My ultimate goal is to get a PhD in Learning Disabilites from either University of Kent or University of West London, but for now I'm focussing on getting a 1st or 2:1 in my BSc in LD Nursing.

My other interests are: 60's music, heavy metal music, 1950's musicals, photography, evolutionary biology, reading, skiing, swimming, partying, cooking, clothes, make up, writing and whatever else takes my fancy.